Procrastination!

Hello folks...it's me!!! Bet you thought I had fallen off the wagon so to speak huh?....lol...Well not really...I have been struggling off and on this past month. But I am sticking to my guns...I continue to exercise and eat healthy for the most part...lol....But I must admit that I have been a little down these last few weeks...Let's just say that I have really had my eyes opened to the fact of how precious life is...and how short it can be. I mean we can be gone in an instant!! These past few weeks has really changed my heart toward my relationship with my friends, family and even God. and that's why I have entitled my blog this entry as Procrastination......
Procrastination continues to rear its ugly head in my life....I have always been a procrastinator. With school work, studying for tests, finishing projects, writing lesson plans the night before they are due. Waiting until Dec 24 to go shopping for Christmas presents....waiting for the oil light or temperature gage to light up before I even think about checking the car...I mean the list can go on and on....but if you notice these are all "earthly" things....Most people will say that they have the same problems...no one gets hurt except for me...because I bring all this stress and chaos into my life.....I agree!!! I have tried to become a better steward of my time....However there is still one area in my life that I have over looked....one place where I never thought that procrastination would even play apart...but it does...and that is my failure to let my friends , family and even God know just how much I love them. Thank God it's not too late!! I have been dealing with a terrible guilt that I have had ever since my Father passed away almost 4 yrs ago..He died in December a couple of weeks before Christmas... I was going to go home at Thanksgiving to spend the Holidays with my family that year...but something came up and I could not go ...Christmas would be the next time I would be able to see them....I never got to see my Dad...it had been along time since I had actually seen and talked with him...that's a whole other story...my point is ..I could have gone that Thanksgiving but I chose something else and just felt like I could hold off until Christmas ...I was wrong...so I have been dealing with this for a while...I have tried to stay in contact with my Mom...I go and visit her as much as I can...and even then I should go more often than I do now... I am also blessed to have so many friends from my past and friends that are around me today...I don't know everyones situation..but I do believe God has placed you in my life for a reason...and I am so very blessed to have you in my life....As a human being..I know I have failed...and will fail and fall short daily...but please know that I love you...and I thank God for you!! But most importantly...GOD LOVES YOU!! His love is Perfect!! I am no saint ...believe me....I am far from it....I too struggle on a daily basis but I know today that God is everything to me today...with out Him I would not be Sober,,with out Him I would not have this crazy , imperfect...but Wonderful life that I have....without Him I have NOTHING!! And yet as sure as the day is long...I forget...I get into the daily routine of "life" with horse blinders on....and I tell myself that I'll be in Church on Sunday...I'll call that friend later....I don't have time to help you because I am too darn busy taking care of my own business to recognize your needs...GOD FORGIVE ME!!! Procrastination can lead you down a dark path...I know I have rambled. ...but if there is one thing I would want for you to get out of this it would be to let those around you know that you love them...reach out to your neighbor even if you don't know them...reach out to your family..and most of all reach out to GOD!!

The First 30 Days!

Hello my friends...I can't believe that it has already been 30 days since I began my Fabulous at 40 adventure....and let me tell you it has been an adventure. Why is it that when we want to change something it seems like everything around you tries to prevent you from making that change? I think that is what discourages people the most. We start a routine and then it goes really well and then once something gets in the way of our normal routine we get thrown off course. Many get discouraged and quit and go back to the old familiar way of life.....NOT ME!!!! I have been there and I have had those thoughts....Can you believe that ...and it's just the first month!! However, I have refused to give up...I have learned to go with what comes my way and try to work around it...if I can't do it...then oh well...I get back up and dust myself off and start again the next day. Thank God I have one day to live in and that's today...if I mess it up , I can start over the next day.!! Any who! So I know there is a question out there that I have yet to answer.....come on I know all of you want to know....LOL....MY WEIGHT!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH.
Well I did not weigh myself when I first started however...I will say that right before I started ..I was at a friends house and the scale went to 300lbs and then read error...LOL...I was horrified...I stepped on it again and it did the same thing.....so I am guessing it was well above 300lbs...guestimating around 310 -315...so today 30 days later I weigh in at 189.6 ....Last Friday when I bought the scale I weighed in at 194.4. So I know I am doing something right! Even with the wrench thrown in my schedule this weekend...didn't get a chance to exercise...we were doing work in the dinning room/ kitchen and couldn't cook meals...so we ate out several times.....GOD is GOOD!...I still am losing despite my screwups!! lol....Another thing that I have done this past month is that I joined a new denomination!
Yes that's right...I am now a Presbyterian...I love my new church...I am really getting involved with my church...singing in the choir...helping out with Special music...getting involved with church gatherings. I hope to get more involved with a committee or two...and who knows one day become an Elder of the Church...All I know is that God lead me to this wonderful church that reaches out to the community! OH and I actually am excited about tithing!!! I have not been faithful in this before and have missed out on the many blessings because I have not been faithful in my tithing..ever...so this is a leap of faith for me..because I don't make very much and I have been living pay check to pay check...but i know God is Faithful!!
Last but not least ..I have quit smoking..cold turkey...no Nicorette. no chantix...no welbutrin......I made it 30 days so far...no cravings or urges...however I can tell that my tension level has increased and I have been trying to lower that with daily prayer and meditation and exercise....it's working but there are days where I have snapped at someone or maybe cursed someone under my breath while I was driving...lol. But I am hanging on!!!
I just want to say a thank you to all of you who have encouraged me this past month. It has really been a blessing.. Those of you who have been praying for me ..Thank you...they give me the strength to make it through the day!.....It also makes me excited to hear that some of you are wanting to change something in your life as well...it doesn't have to be anything drastic...just make it something for the better...not just for yourself but for your fellowman..Although you might think my motive is selfish...it really isn't...I want to be Fabulous at 40 because I want to be the best TJ that God wants me to be...it was just time for me to take inventory and clear out the bad things in my life....I am not by any means claiming to be perfect or am I trying to be Holier than Thou because of what I am doing...I just want to present myself acceptable to God...any who....enough preaching...lol....Thank you!!! TJ

UGH!!!!

ok..It's the end of the 2nd full week and the beginning of the 3rd. I took 4 days off the my regular walking and eating routine this past week. I went to Pasadena with my room mate to visit his family. I had a blast however...do you have any idea what happens after you stop exercising and eating right for 4 days...well I found out today...especially the not exercising part...I feel like I am back at the beginning again...I could barely even walk a lap...I feel so tired it's crazy! I have been eating healthy...I have even been trying to eat small healthy snacks in between meals to help boost my metabolism. It doesn't seem to be working...but then of course..I did not follow this for the last 4 days..so maybe that is it..I realize I need a light to get this metabolism fired up and running. I even have been taken a multi purpose vitamin...I truly hope I can get this under control so I can feel energized!! Right now I am not feeling it!! But I refuse to give up!! I am so glad I am getting paid this week because I need to buy some exercise materials...ie..simple weights, an exercise ball..small stuff to help me get my gut down to a normal size..lol...oh well...it will happen I know it!!
This has also been the longest I have gone without smoking for a long time...let me tell you although I have no urge to smoke most of the time...I do find myself on edge...very moody and tense...I have almost snapped the heads off of a couple of people...I feel at these times that those little receptors that that one commercial talks about...they are running a muck in my head...lol...I really have to step back and ask God to take away the cravings..to make those bad feelings go away..I tell you that when I do just that...he does for me what I can not do for myself!! He takes that craving and those feelings away...thank you God!!

Week 1

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13

What a week!! God is good!! Thank you for your support and prayers!! It's exciting to see some of you out there wanting to jump on the wagon with me!! I support you 100%. That is an encouragement to me as well!!
I have to admit that this weekend did not go as I planned it...lol....but that's what happens when I try to plan things out..Although I did not exercise this weekend..I did eat healthy..for the most part....ok...what can I say..I am not perfect!! I am so glad that each day is a new day! I will say that I do feel better!
I went to an AA meeting the other day! For those of you who don't know I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous! I have been sober 9yrs. The meeting topic was about what keeps you coming back to the meetings? I have to admit I haven't been attending meetings as much as I should and I know it is important to be at those meetings to help out another alcoholic! Well that night after the meeting this guy I have known for a while as an acquaintance asked me to sponsor him ...he has not been to a meeting in a long time...I invited him to go to a meeting on Saturday but he ended up having to work..but the door is opened!!
So not only am I a recovered alcoholic...I have had an addiction to cigarettes for sometime as well...this has been a long week of not smoking!! I picked up a 24 desire chip at my AA meeting...I plan on using the 12 steps to quit smoking as well! As said before God is good!
Today I joined Treasure Hills Presbyterian Church! That's right I said Presbyterian!! I have been attending this church for sometime and I really felt led to join!! They are an amazing congregation! I can't wait to really get involved ! I have been wandering around for some time!!
So that's it for now!! It's late and I need to get some rest!! God Bless!!

The Refiners Fire

Hello everyone...this morning was a busy one...I almost missed out on a chance to get my walk in...but It happened! In fact ...it went a lot better than yesterday!! My shins and calves still scream at me. It's that burn that gets to me. I finished the same walk without stopping as many times....however... I did have to sit down a few times because of the burn. No pain no gain..I guess..lol...As I was sitting down trying to stretch out my calves...I was thinking of the burn and then of the top of my head, this old Steve Green song popped into my head. The Refiner's Fire....I loved that song..it was probably my favorite song that he ever sang! The words came to me and hit me like a ton of bricks. and then this thought came to me....Are you ready for the burn? Are you ready to be put under the "Refiner's" fire? This whole mission that I am on is spending time in this fire....I want God to mold me and make me to His fashion...not mine....Thank you God for your painful but loving Refiner's Fire.

The Refiner's Fire

There burns a fire with sacred heat
White hot with holy flame
And all who dare pass through its blaze
Will not emerge the same
Some as bronze, and some as silver
Some as gold, then with great skill
All are hammered by their sufferings
On the anvil of His will

Chorus:
The Refiner's fire
Has now become my souls desire
Purged and cleansed and purified
That the Lord be glorified
He is consuming my soul
Refining me, making me whole
No matter what I may lose
I choose the Refiner's fire

I'm learning now to trust His touch
To crave the fire's embrace
For though my past with sin was etched
His mercies did erase
Each time His purging cleanses deeper
I'm not sure that I'll survive
Yet the strength in growing weaker
Keeps my hungry soul alive

Chorus

God Help Me!!

God, I offer myself to Thee -- to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always! Alcoholics Anonymous p63

This prayer is called the 3rd step prayer found in the Big Book of AA.....I find myself praying this prayer alot...it's one of many that I use during my quiet time or meditation. I will continue to share different prayers and verses that I come across that inspire me. I found my self praying this prayer this morning. I did not want to get up!! This helped prayer helped me to get off my butt and start my day!

Let me tell you...I thought that getting back into walking and exercising was going to be easy...Well five minutes into the walk...I began to cramp up and have pain...how lame is that....lol...I even stretched before I began....I sat down ..did some more stretching exercises...and was soon back on my walk...I will admit that I had to stop several times today...So I don't know how well the exercise was for my body...other than to get my body over the shock that my fat ass is moving a lot more than it is used to...lol. The point is ..is that I put forth the first step...I find that actually it is not as bad as I thought..funny how that works...all it takes is that first step....no pun intended...Well I got through today...feeling a little soar but not discouraged in anyway...I have made this commitment not only to myself ..but to God and to my friends.
I was also amazed that I was able to make it the first day/evening with smoking! I have to admit...I really craved one last night on my way to Starbucks. It just hit me....but once I got there and started talking I forgot about the cig..thanks to some great friends and great conversation...I made it through..I plan on making it through tonight as well....however...I feeel that once I get stressed out or begin to get frustrated that craving is going to kick me in the butt!! But I have tools to help me ...thank God for Gum and sugar free candy!!

I also received this great book called Living the New Rebellion...it's a new series by Nelson Publishing. It's a daily devotional that offers 365 ways to Ignite Your Passion for God and Supercharge Your Life....it's awesome..it's basically a daily devotional...that deals with changing your life...topics cover, health, money, priorities, pain...and a whole lot more....I am using this to help in my daily meditation and prayer time with God!! You should check it out!! Love ya!!

Ready or Not!!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you and you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jer 29 :11-13.

So today is the big day!! I feel great. I have to admit I didn't want to get up this morning to go to my dance class! That's right! I said dance..well I should say tap. The studio I work at offers an adult tap class in the mornings on Monday. And let me tell you it ain't easy for this big guy to even think light on his feet...lol....but it's a good workout! Plus it helped get me up and out of bed early. Normally I would sleep in until 10 - 10:30 am. I plan to get up everyday at the same time and start walking for a good hour. This is an easy beginning for me. Hopefully this will help keep me energized more during the day... of course today right around noon time I fell asleep...I just felt all my energy just left my body. Right now I feel energized again..I had a healthy breakfast and lunch and plan on eating a healthy dinner.

Speaking of eating healthy I have to go to the store and start buying things that are healthy to eat...This really scares me because I love to eat... I love to cook...and I love to eat the food I cook!! How the heck do those guys on Food network channel stay skinny? I have not figured that out. I do know that eating healthier can be a little more expensive..this scares me because of finances but I know in the long run it really comes out about even in the end. It's more about not just eating 3 meals a day..but also eating healthy snacks in between...that's going to get my energy up and going...I hope!! Again this scares me...I have been down this road before..I have exercised and eaten healthy and lost weight...I have tried adkins...didn't lose anything...I have tried Herballife...all I got was a speed rush from the pills...didn't lose weight!! tried sugar busters didn't lose weight..I do know that a balanced diet with a little bit of everything seemed to work..so that's what I am going to get back to ...not just portion control but eating the right kinds of foods. When I actually get my self weighed I will let you know the big number...I just know it's way over 200lbs...lol...
One other way I am going to stay healthy is to stop a really bad habit I have had on and off for about 16 yrs and I am not talking about drinking...lol....I have been Sober for 9yrs and a month thanks to AA. This habit has stayed with me as a close friend..to help me get through drinking...and I am ready to stop... give it up for good...so.. Last night I smoked my last cigarette!! I know it!! I am going cold turkey....I may switch to nicorette for a while but I am going to try it without help...I have a lot of triggers ...but the big one is always I feel the need of a cigarette after a big meal....also stressful days seem to always set me off as well...and just plain feeling I need to relax and hang out as well... I am so glad to have friends that will love me even when I am screaming for a cig!! because I know I will be!!
Now some of you are probably wondering why I am doing all of this and why am I writing about this...I don;t know!! All I know is that I have been thinking this last year at what I have done with my life...I graduated HS, went to college,, and worked in the real world...all in the span of 39 years! I don't know about you but I want to live until I am at least 80...so that's another 39 + years....what am I going to do for 39+ years...it goes by so fast! I don't want to waste time in hospitals or lying in bed hooked up to some machine because I can't breathe or that I am too big to move around. What a waste of a life...What an insult to God!! He made me and this is how I am treating Him? He gave me life...He sacrificed his only Son so that I may live! Now I am not here to preach..I am not going to tell you that you have to believe my beliefs...that's not the purpose of this blog ...I will fill you in on my thoughts about spiritual things because that is part of my journey as well..and hopefully be an encouragement to you...Now I know some people will not even give a crap about this blog and probably won't read it but I do hope that some will and walk away with something... Now not to be rude but I saw some 20 year reunion pics...and I think some of you might want to get on the band wagon with me...Next year I plan to throw a Fabulous at 40 party...and i will invite you to attend!! Who knows I might plan a mini reunion as well...all I know is that I want get back to good healthy living....because the next 40 years are going to be maintaining what I have done this year!! I may fail but I am going to try!! So much for now...more to come later! TJ

counting down the days.

Ok folks...5 days and counting. I have been going over and over in my mind what exactly do I want to accomplish this year so that I can feel fabulous at 40? Don't get me wrong. I have a lot of things today in my life to be thankful for. I have been blessed in so many different ways. However, I feel that it's time for me to do some housecleaning ..so to speak... I need to take inventory and take out what's bad and stock up on more positive things. As I said in my previous blog..this includes weight loss. I have really let myself go in this part of my life...although I am happy with who I am..this monster still continues to bring me down. I love food...and those of you who know me..knows that is the God's honest truth!!...I am tired of feeling tired!! This will also include getting rid of some not so healthy habits on my part. One not so healthy habit has been plaguing me for some time now and I feel that this along with the weight loss will be my biggest challenge! I will disclose this not so healthy habit on kick off day Sept 28th 2009.
I am also looking at other aspects of my life as well...my Spiritual life. I am really going to commit more time to Church, bible study and for the first time in a long time I am going to commit to tithing. I have taken so much ..I know that I need to give back ...I am excited about this aspect in my life....because of this I plan on committing to keeping a budget...I am baaaddddd at expenses and saving and all that stuff...this will be another part of my life that will be a daily journey... I also feel that I need to give of my time helping others...so I am looking now to see where is that God would have me volunteer my time in the community. The pastor at the church I have been attending has been really preaching about reaching out and getting out of ourselves and helping others.
So these are just a few things that I am looking forward to this next year!! So please join me on this journey...maybe you have some things in your life that are holding you back ..keeping you down..why not make a commitment as well? See you in 5!!

Beginning thoughts

Ok..I suppose that if I am writing this out then this is official!! I am excited to tell you about a journey that I am going to take for one year. I hope that this blog will help keep me committed to this journey and help keep me accountable to you my friends and peers and anyone else who might happen along this blog.
I am planning to take a Mental, Physical and Spiritual journey for one year. I will turn 39 in 20 days...so I have decided that I want to feel fabulous at 40. When the year is over I will throw a Fabulous at 40 party. 40 is a huge milestone and I want to feel like I'm on top of the world when that day comes and I want to celebrate it with you my friends. I truly hope that this might inspire my friends who are at this stage in their life to join in the journey and have their own Fabulous at 40 party.
I will be blogging my daily activities through out the year. This whole journey will include weight loss, exercise, getting rid of bad habits (I have a couple of those), growing spiritually and intellectually. I have no idea what's in store or what's going to happen. I might fail...who knows...all I know is that I am ready for a journey and I feel led to do this. So please stay in touch with this blog...I welcome comments, suggestions..whatever...all I ask is that you be kind and try not to judge!! Love you all....TJ